the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
