You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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