dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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