if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The uberlube is also flammable
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
