Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
