I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
