we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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