Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
