So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
