Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
