I'm gonna have a badass scar
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
