Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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