There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
