my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
