I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
