yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
