Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
