Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
