dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
