She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
