He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
