High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
