I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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