I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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