Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i think my cat just said my name.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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