So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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