Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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