It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
