I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
