Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
