She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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