I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
