Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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