you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
