I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
