Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
