He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
