I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
