she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
