I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
