Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
