You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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