Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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