It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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