so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
