just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
