I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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