She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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