I think im going to throw up on grandma
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
