six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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